Here’s the thing about preparing for a physique contest (especially when you got started late in the process, as I did this time): it’s like walking deep into the forest and getting lost, and dropping all your crap along the way because you’re too tired to hold it any longer. And then up ahead you see a clearing and hear traffic, and you just keep walking until you get to it.
But you’re fucking exhausted. And then you’re hungry. And then you are chased by a bear and have to leap, jump and run for a while, which makes you hungrier and more tired, and then there’s another bear and you have to run and climb for a while again, and then you’re even MORE tired and even HUNGRIER, and eventually you become a zombie.
Fortunately, zombies are cool right now, but being one isn’t that much fun.
When you reach zombie stage, you realize how heavy all the stupid dumb emotional and bad-life-management shit you’re also carrying has become, and you have to drop that too. Except rearranging your life to manage the dropping of it feels like too much work.
Every time I have competed, I’ve experienced some significant spiritual, emotional and organizational benefits. It makes sense, as many religious communities include periods of sacrifice (Lent, for instance) in order to help awaken followers. This particular time around is proving especially emotional and challenging, as I’m feeling like I have to cut loose of many things — things from the past, the present, and even maybe from the future.
But I am shifting my point of view to thinking of this as a gift, because I am understanding what is important to me now, at this point in my life.
I went through this same feeling when I was caring for my mom as she was dying from lung cancer. Things fell away, and other things became clear. So here we are again. No decisions should ever be made when you’re a zombie. And maybe self-revealing (without revealing anything, my speciality! LOL) blog posts like this shouldn’t be written. But it’s my blog, and there you have it!
Dunno what the future holds — who does? But it’s looking simpler, easier and more streamlined … and that puts a smile on this zombie’s face.